Previous today we had been chiming in for a forum thread about rules in polyamorous relationships. As a solamente individual, individual autonomy and responsibility are very important to all or any areas of my entire life. Therefore I’m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult rules to manage or restrict one another — which will be a big reasons why main-stream monogamy does not work with me personally making friends websites.
But i’ve developed some pretty important guidelines for myself.
I’M WRITING A GUIDE about non-standard methods to relationships.Want to aid? simply just just Take this study to generally share your views and experiences of relationships that aren’t on society’s relationship escalator that is standard.
Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:
- Shared consideration and respect(exactly how we treat one another)
- Autonomy and self obligation (how exactly we each manage ourselves)
- Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
- Joy (because otherwise, what’s the true point?)
These values give my relationship objectives: items that my group of guidelines collectively seeks to reach:
- Preserving integrity: being the type or type of individual I would like to be.
- Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
- Linking with other people in many ways which can be significant, deep, and constructive
- Supporting, considering and respecting other people
- Feeling pleased, fulfilled and happy
- Private development: continuing to understand and develop
- Boosting my power and resilience
- Keeping stability and stress that is managing discomfort and chaos within my life
Me explain why I have them before I get into my list of rules, let.
I’ve discovered, through experience, which they assist me personally be the ideal individual i could be. They assist make sure without coming at the expense of others, which in turn helps me personally be there better for others once they require me personally that I keep residing a life that’s best for me personally. They assist me find out each time a provided situation or relationship may or may possibly not be a silly danger.
Each one of these guidelines is dependant on my personal personal experience with relationships and life, particularly being a polyamorous and person that is solo. There’s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is quite relevant and personal in my opinion — your mileage, since constantly, can vary greatly.
The answer to these guidelines is which they connect with me personally, to not my partners. Finally they’re about how precisely we make choices regarding just how to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.
We don’t demand that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my requirements, or do things my method; but they are wanted by me to comprehend in advance how I make choices about my relationships. That’s only reasonable.
These guidelines use whether or otherwise not I’m in an important relationship. In addition they assist me make certain — whenever i really do begin to go into relationships that include significant assets of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. — why these connections stay an excellent possibility of being mutually useful and never unduly dangerous or discouraging.
Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage may differ. we provide these for example of this forms of individual guidelines or requirements that could be helpful for anybody — but especially for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.
Aggie’s guidelines for Aggie:
- Respect and consideration. We don’t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to do this. If individuals try this, I’ll inform them it is a challenge. I’ll probably give them a few opportunities so long as they’re perhaps not egregiously rude. However, if a pattern that is baddeliberate or perhaps not) emerges inside their behavior, I’ll distance myself. Likewise, we make an effort to always respect and think about my lovers and metamours. Me what they need, I try to listen, negotiate and give them what I can (or be honest if I can’t) when they tell.
